Raw Emotions

I can't keep doing this and still have a heart left in me. I can't keep doing this and still look at my face in the mirror every morning (which, no wonder, I seldom do).

When you care, you get hurt. You can never be too sure. It's just so frightening out there. There really is no security.

I keep looking back at days when all I had to do after I finished reading a historical romance novel was stare at all those trees, and that fancy afternoon atmosphere brought about by the shimmering light of the fading sun... ah, I had such wonderful dreams of the future then.

Now, I am in my past's future, and I keep thinking about my present's past and dreaming of my future. If I don't snap out of this now, I will probably spend most of my life reliving my pasts and dreaming of the future but never really existing in the present.

Well, this is me when  God and I stop talking. This is me after Ender's Game. This is me, while looking into the A&E test passers list and finding only one of my learners name.I have not yet finished poring over the list, I pray that I will be able to find some more. Honestly, I am breaking down here and no one's there to hold my hand. (And we have our Foundations of Education examination tomorrow to boot!).

I am afraid. And today, I just feel so small...like an insignificant speck of light in Ender's vast universe of buggers, waiting for annihilation!