I have been going over my stash of music videos and songs when I actually made myself listen to this one. I searched the lyrics and discovered how beautiful it is.
Friday, December 16, 2011
Solution
I have been going over my stash of music videos and songs when I actually made myself listen to this one. I searched the lyrics and discovered how beautiful it is.
Lost a Little
After I first attended CFC-Singles For Christ Chapter Meeting two weeks ago, I was inspired by Sis.Tess to read my Bible again and keep a regular praying time everyday.
I used to that before I joined SFC and even during the SFC Christian Life Program. However, I never managed to do it consistently because of the guilt I often feel after doing something that I think God does not like.
The guilt weighs so heavily upon me that I often end up ignoring the Bible and God for months. I would be shaken by some troublesome experiences and then, I would go back to Him on bent knees crying my way back into His ever forgiving arms.
But it seems my human nature is just too human. Blame it on genetics, or just the environment that does not seem to encourage living a half-decent and perfectly Christian life. I am a Christian who often thinks, acts, and speaks in an unChristlike manner. (Does that make me a nonChristian then?).
I am tired of making excuses for myself. Tired of always failing and disappointing Him. I hate the way I am, so weak, so mortal, so human.
Life without Him is empty. Life without Him is meaningless,useless, pointless. But I cannot seem to keep myself in line.
I actually keep an epistolary journal address to Jesus. To my surprise, I often find myself brutally honest when I tell him things I could not even admit to myself. And then, at times, it feels as if He is telling me things too. Like He is comforting me. He is always so accepting of me.
Why the verbal self-flagellation? I missed out on my date with Jesus this morning...and I am to weak to even reach out to Him.
How do I keep myself chaste and Christlike and perfect like Him? How do other Christians do that? I am fascinated with the Houstons. They are a family of believers. Bobbie and Brian Houston, a married couple, are actually senior pastors and founders of Hillsong Church. They have three children, the eldest of which is Joel Timothy Houston (whom I have researched extensively, followed on twitter and just sort of had a late crush on - there, it's out). It must be nice to be a part of such a family of believers. Their Christian foundation must be quite strong.
However, like most other mortals, I came from a family (if you can still call it that) of not-very devout Roman Catholics. But I had an overzealous Catholic grandmother who had to force me to go to Church when I was young. She and mg grandfather who spent a lot of his time listening to the Word of God as it was aired on the radio every morning, were my best examples of how a Christian behaves.
My parents don't go to church. I don't go to Church too because don't feel comfortable when there are just too many people around me, cooped up in an enclosed space. I was part of our Parish Choir when I was in high school. After two years, I left though. I was always a misfit anyway. There was the Children of Mary, a sort of organization of devout Catholics who pray to Mary of the Miraculous Medal - but then, I never really felt comfortable with the concept of praying to Jesus through Mary. Must be a by-product of my extensive reading habits. Intellectual curiosity - too much of it- can lead to a lot of pitfalls.
I turned myself into an atheist when I was in second year college - all because I did not finished reading the Philosophical justification of atheism and theism. I just read the first part, returned the book and convinced myself that God is just a figment of man's needs to blame things on someone else.
Then, something broke my soul when I turned 20 and I had to cling to God. Because He was the only one around for me to cling to. He made himself known to me, reached out to me through a song I still cherished to this day...a song which I heard again last night when I first attended mass on my own volition, with no coercion from other people who wanted what was best for me.
I was drawn by the empty church. It was Friday I guess. I only planned to spend a few minutes in the adoration chapel. But then, when I saw that there were only a few people, I came in....It felt nice, peaceful even.
But I am still lost. Why can't that girl be right? Why can't He just take away all our propensity for evil at just one go? The slow process is crushing every piece of me little by little. Just when you thought you have overcome one propensity, you discover another.
I am, i think, lost...a little...
Friday, October 21, 2011
Desperate Call
I am in a spiritual dilemma and I cannot even share the problem with my SFC family.
I have totally removed myself from their comforting embrace and have set out on a solitary journey as I try to find God's presence in my life.Or maybe, find my way back to God.
I have wandered far and long so....I want to go back home...
I have totally removed myself from their comforting embrace and have set out on a solitary journey as I try to find God's presence in my life.Or maybe, find my way back to God.
I have wandered far and long so....I want to go back home...
Monday, July 11, 2011
CLP Talk 4: Repentance and Faith
"It started out as a feeling- From The Call
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word
And then that word grew louder and louder
Until it was a battle cry."
Before attending the CLP, being a Christian was a vague notion. I thought believing in Christ was enough. I thought sharing your "faith" with fellow believers was enough. I never expected that there was more to it.
After yesterdays CLP Talk 4: Repentance and Faith, I felt, I don't know, closer to that point where I should feel enlightened. Our speaker for yesterday's talk was Bro. Rhaden Porras from Duenas.
SFC's usually starts the sessions with prayers that incorporate Christian song's. Yesterdays opening song bothered me a bit and the prayer sort of "hurt" me. I guess prayers from the heart are painful to hear and are too heart wrenching to listen to.
One line from the song entitled I Give My All, which I have not yet downloaded, touched me at that moment. It said "Till the end of my days" and I remember praying, telling and vowing to God that yes, I am Yours, till the end of my days. I really did not know what I was promising and I really had not counted on the outcome of that day.
Yes, that day, something essential in my life has changed.
According to our speaker, Repentance and faith always go together. To just reform your life is inadequate. We need to believe. To simply believe without doing is also inadequate for faith without works is dead.
Repentance came from the Greek word metanoia meaning "a change of mind". It is not just a confession of wrongdoing but a change in direction, a significant change in the way we live our life. It affects the way we think and act. It is also the turning away from sin, evil and wrong doing and from running our own lives. It also means turning away from double mindedness (probably refers to the double standards we based our morals and lives on), from lukewarmness(Being callous and uncaring when it comes to what is happening around one).
Repentance is NOT
○ Dependent on feelings (it is an objective decision to accept God's righteousness)
○ Being sorry because of the fear for the consequences of our actions (it is hating sin itself)
What To do To Repent?
○ Be honest and admit that we have sinned.
○ Exercise humility.
Be willing to change and receive help to change. Do not expect to do it by yourself. Pray to God for change to happen.
○ Renounce sin.
Actively turn from sin or turn away from temptations.A temptation will remain a temptation if not acted upon.
○ Ask God's forgiveness.
○ Avail the sacrament of reconciliation (for Catholics).
Our speaker encourage us to go to a priest and confess our sins to avail of the said sacrament. When I asked our Discussion Group Leaders regarding the concept of other denominations/sects which denounces confession because priests are mere mortals themselves, I was given a reasonable response. Sis. Roxan said that for direct confession to work, it must be perfect. I guess it is the equivalent of trying to talk to the Division Superintendent before settling it with your School Principal.
We also tackled several specific sins to renounce:
1. Involvement by a Christian with someone from a non-Christian religion. I think I am not supposed to mention those "religions" he mentioned. If you want to know, join the CLP, hopefully, next year.
2. Participating in spiritualism and the occult . Doing witchcraft, getting involved in fortune-telling, and all that brouhaha…
3. Sexual Wrongdoings. He mentioned sexual intercourse outside marriage, adultery, inactive homosexuality, even reading playboy magazines.
4. Serious Crimes like murder, rape, kidnapping, robbery, and corruption
5. Drunkenness or getting stoned on drugs.
All these sins are just around the corner of our life's main highways and byways. That's why, our speaker said, we need to come under the management of Jesus Christ. And this, requires faith.
Faith, according to our speaker, is belief in the gospel, the good news of salvation. It is belief in both the messenger and the message. It is a personal act and decision with the following aspects:
1. It is a definite act. You must open yourself to God.
2. It is an individual act. You are the one who decides for yourself, no one else.
3. It is an urgent act. Since the future is uncertain and time is passing, the time to have faith, to believe, is NOW.
4. It is an indispensable act. This is a step which is necessary to receive all that God has promised.
Faith, however, is not just a feeling but an acceptance of God's word as truth no matter what we feel. It is not wishful thinking and not based on illusions or personal desires.
Repentance and faith brings one the promise of salvation from sin. It brings about the death of Satan.
We were advised that whatever we do must be dedicated to God.
After the usual activities after sessions, it was announced that we have, at last, finished with Module One. Now, they said, we were ready for Module Two. However, before that, we were required to have one-on-one sessions with our DGL's.
Right after our sessions, I talked with one of our DGL's so that I can have that session right away. I had to leave for Cebu for a week and when I return, there is not time left for that one-on-one.
As they say, when it rains, it pours. That was a cleansing experience for me. Sis. Roxan helped me deal with age-old issues that I was not able to deal with. She helped me come to terms with some serious matters I have been contending with through the years.
I realized that for 20 years, I have been limping my way to God. Sometimes, I was given crutches. At times, I have had the use of wheelchairs. But all these methods never really gave me the freedom to fully use the limbs I was given to navigate life's highway.
That one-on-one session miraculously and a little callously took away the limp. I am on a healing process now but I am walking, with no crutches and no wheel chairs.
I am really looking forward to the next session…and the changes it will bring in my life.
Monday, May 30, 2011
CLP Talk 1: God's Love, Part 2
Song for the Day or Now Playing (over and over again): God-Shaped Hole by Plumb
Last time, I talk about the first part of Sis. Love's talk. This post is a continuation of her talk on the first topic, God's Love.
After talking about the manifestation of God's love for us and His plan for us, Sis. Love talked about what the world is like right now.
She said that the world suffers from poverty, social injustice, crimes, and on a personal level, loneliness, depression, fear and mistrust.
She also said that we no longer turn to the Almighty in times of trouble. We seem not to recognize Him.
Then, she tells us what we, as Christians, should do:
1. We should renew ourselves and start behaving in a good manner.
2. We should believe and have faith
3. We need to pay attention to God's point of view. Sis Love said that the reason why we fail to answer life's problems is because we tend to ignore God's point. We only see things our way, not in any other way.
Our human efforts apart from Him will prove useless. We do not have to burden ourselves with our own problems. We have to give that up to God. He knows everything about us. We can't hide from Him.
Apart from God, we feel empty. Without Him, no matter how hard we work, we still feel empty.
I believe that's true too. I used to think that the restlessness I feel is due to the absence of material things in my life. I used to think that maybe, if I do something meaningful with my life, I would feel at peace.
Working as an ALS Mobile Teacher is pure missionary work. But, at the end of the day, after teaching literacy to those who need it the most, I still feel that emptiness. But after I joined SFC's CLP, I started feeling some sort of peace, a sense of meaning and fulfilment.
SFC is helping me get to know my God in a personal and intimate manner. It helps me bring things into their proper perspective. That something missing in my life is being filled by God now.
There is great joy to be had in joining a community of believers who are all working towards that perfect relationship with our creator.
It is God's plan for us to develop a relationship with Him. It is His plan to be intimate with us, to be with us. That is the hole deep in our hearts that no money, success, or power could ever feel. (It keeps reminding me of Ecclesiastes).
God's love is for EVERYBODY. All we have to do is reach out for that hand always waiting for our attention. He never leaves us alone. He loves us. Despite who and what we are, what we have done, He loves us.
Sis. Love quoted John 6:66-67. I decided to copy that passage here. (I am using the Good News Bible though)
"Because of this, many of Jesus' followers turned back and would not go with him anymore. So he asked the twelve disciples, "And you- would you also like to leave?"
The phrasing of the question as different with Sis. Love (Maybe she used the KJV).
"Are you going to leave me too?."
Ouch.
Unknowingly, my response had always been yes to that unasked question. When it comes to a lot of things, God was always in the bottom. I disregarded my King because I was an ignorant know-it-all. I knew about the world, but I had no knowledge of its Creator.
Now, I hope to know Him more and to serve Him with the talents He has given me.
God is inviting us to live a life of freedom with Him. I want that life. I want to get out of the darkness.
After the talks, we were divided into groups for group discussion. Two team members of the SFC were then tasked as our DGL or Discussion Group Leader. We talked about the topic and we were made to examine what was discussed down to a personal level.
Our DGL's, Sis. Jejan and Sis. Roxan, were both cool in handling our discussion. They made me feel comfortable enough to share thoughts and ideas I used to keep to myself. I mean, I mostly did not talk about my relationship (or lack of) with God to my friends. But, with that discussion, I shared more than I usually did. That was a breath of freedom for me and more sharing to come too.
Last time, I talk about the first part of Sis. Love's talk. This post is a continuation of her talk on the first topic, God's Love.
After talking about the manifestation of God's love for us and His plan for us, Sis. Love talked about what the world is like right now.
She said that the world suffers from poverty, social injustice, crimes, and on a personal level, loneliness, depression, fear and mistrust.
She also said that we no longer turn to the Almighty in times of trouble. We seem not to recognize Him.
Then, she tells us what we, as Christians, should do:
1. We should renew ourselves and start behaving in a good manner.
2. We should believe and have faith
3. We need to pay attention to God's point of view. Sis Love said that the reason why we fail to answer life's problems is because we tend to ignore God's point. We only see things our way, not in any other way.
Our human efforts apart from Him will prove useless. We do not have to burden ourselves with our own problems. We have to give that up to God. He knows everything about us. We can't hide from Him.
Apart from God, we feel empty. Without Him, no matter how hard we work, we still feel empty.
I believe that's true too. I used to think that the restlessness I feel is due to the absence of material things in my life. I used to think that maybe, if I do something meaningful with my life, I would feel at peace.
Working as an ALS Mobile Teacher is pure missionary work. But, at the end of the day, after teaching literacy to those who need it the most, I still feel that emptiness. But after I joined SFC's CLP, I started feeling some sort of peace, a sense of meaning and fulfilment.
SFC is helping me get to know my God in a personal and intimate manner. It helps me bring things into their proper perspective. That something missing in my life is being filled by God now.
There is great joy to be had in joining a community of believers who are all working towards that perfect relationship with our creator.
It is God's plan for us to develop a relationship with Him. It is His plan to be intimate with us, to be with us. That is the hole deep in our hearts that no money, success, or power could ever feel. (It keeps reminding me of Ecclesiastes).
God's love is for EVERYBODY. All we have to do is reach out for that hand always waiting for our attention. He never leaves us alone. He loves us. Despite who and what we are, what we have done, He loves us.
Sis. Love quoted John 6:66-67. I decided to copy that passage here. (I am using the Good News Bible though)
"Because of this, many of Jesus' followers turned back and would not go with him anymore. So he asked the twelve disciples, "And you- would you also like to leave?"
The phrasing of the question as different with Sis. Love (Maybe she used the KJV).
"Are you going to leave me too?."
Ouch.
Unknowingly, my response had always been yes to that unasked question. When it comes to a lot of things, God was always in the bottom. I disregarded my King because I was an ignorant know-it-all. I knew about the world, but I had no knowledge of its Creator.
Now, I hope to know Him more and to serve Him with the talents He has given me.
God is inviting us to live a life of freedom with Him. I want that life. I want to get out of the darkness.
After the talks, we were divided into groups for group discussion. Two team members of the SFC were then tasked as our DGL or Discussion Group Leader. We talked about the topic and we were made to examine what was discussed down to a personal level.
Our DGL's, Sis. Jejan and Sis. Roxan, were both cool in handling our discussion. They made me feel comfortable enough to share thoughts and ideas I used to keep to myself. I mean, I mostly did not talk about my relationship (or lack of) with God to my friends. But, with that discussion, I shared more than I usually did. That was a breath of freedom for me and more sharing to come too.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
SFC CLP Talk No1:God's Love, A Reflection (Part 1)
The Singles for Christ (SFC), Passi City Chapter's, Christian Life Program (CLP) is conducted at PICS-SOF every Sunday, 9:00 to 12:00 AM.
Last May 22, 2011 was the first talk of the first Module of the training. We had God's love as our topic.
Right after learning Worship Songs, and answering Bible Trivia, the first talk, with Sis. Love, Unit Head of the Singles for Christ, Duenas Chapter, began.
I probably was not paying too much attention at first because I was sort of taken with the Bible Quiz/Trivia which was thrown at us before the Talk began. It was fun. I used to study the Old Testament as a sort of hobby (though I never did finish The Book of Chronicles (or was it Kings?)...and I was never that good with the New Testament since I kept repeating the Book of Matthew everytime I want to study the NT...so, I did not catch Sis Love's last name....
But that seemed to be okay with SFC. When I shared that news with a member who was not there that Sunday, he knew to whom I was referring to. It seems as if we want back to Biblical times wherein persons were known for their names and places of origin alone...like Jesus of Nazareth...odd, come to think of it, I am quite lucky since I have a unique name...Heaven of Passi (still odd...)
I also felt weird calling my former teacher and mentor as Sister...I mean,it implies a closer and more intimate relationship than merely being friends or colleagues with someone.Now, I have sisters and brothers in Christ...and it feels good...
Anyway, I could not seem to get the highlight of Sis Love's talk. I got distracted easily..but she started with several truths and proofs of God's love for us.
1. God created us and provides for us.
First, she mentioned the story of creation, of how God created us and everything on earth because of His great love.
Sis. Love quoted a verse from the Bible which said that Man is meant for friendship with God.
And then, she went on to ask what we have done to make God feel that we love Him? To be honest, I never did anything for God. I took Him for granted almost all the time. In this day and age, it is very easy to be distracted and loose sight of God's glorious love.
2. God has a plan for us.
Sis. Love also mentioned that God has a definite plan for us. And because of what happened to Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, we placed the "human" limitation upon ourselves. Everytime we sin, we say, "I was just being human".
Sis. Love also said that God would not leave man alone to his own fate. She said that God gave us freewill to think for ourselves. He wants to bring us to Him at the end of our days and to restore our fellowship and intimacy with him.
That is God's plan for us, nothing more, nothing less. She even mentioned about how one girl would say that God does not love her and all because God supposedly allowed her boyfriend to cheat on her.
I guess such outpourings are inappropriate for us Christians. God's love has nothing to do with such worldly matters. We got hurt because we "desired" something when we should have only desired a communion with God.
I felt a little petty about my won worldly longings and dreams. This made me realize how "foolish" my life has been. Others would say I have lived a meaningful life. But after the first talk on this CLP, I realized I have not lived at all.
I have been vain, selfish, lustful, proud, and totally uncaring of others beyond my family circle. I have played it safe for so long. I have worked so hard and I have forgotten God.
I would like to make God the center of everything in my life starting now. And yes, I am a work in progress...I still have those deeply embedded sins within me but I hope to be blessed by God's gracious love so that I may realize His purpose for me.
This post is already too long for now so I guess I'll just post the second part of Sis. Love's lecture in another entry.
It talks about the pitfalls of the modern world and what we should do, as Christians, to avoid them.
Last May 22, 2011 was the first talk of the first Module of the training. We had God's love as our topic.
Right after learning Worship Songs, and answering Bible Trivia, the first talk, with Sis. Love, Unit Head of the Singles for Christ, Duenas Chapter, began.
I probably was not paying too much attention at first because I was sort of taken with the Bible Quiz/Trivia which was thrown at us before the Talk began. It was fun. I used to study the Old Testament as a sort of hobby (though I never did finish The Book of Chronicles (or was it Kings?)...and I was never that good with the New Testament since I kept repeating the Book of Matthew everytime I want to study the NT...so, I did not catch Sis Love's last name....
But that seemed to be okay with SFC. When I shared that news with a member who was not there that Sunday, he knew to whom I was referring to. It seems as if we want back to Biblical times wherein persons were known for their names and places of origin alone...like Jesus of Nazareth...odd, come to think of it, I am quite lucky since I have a unique name...Heaven of Passi (still odd...)
I also felt weird calling my former teacher and mentor as Sister...I mean,it implies a closer and more intimate relationship than merely being friends or colleagues with someone.Now, I have sisters and brothers in Christ...and it feels good...
Anyway, I could not seem to get the highlight of Sis Love's talk. I got distracted easily..but she started with several truths and proofs of God's love for us.
1. God created us and provides for us.
First, she mentioned the story of creation, of how God created us and everything on earth because of His great love.
Sis. Love quoted a verse from the Bible which said that Man is meant for friendship with God.
And then, she went on to ask what we have done to make God feel that we love Him? To be honest, I never did anything for God. I took Him for granted almost all the time. In this day and age, it is very easy to be distracted and loose sight of God's glorious love.
2. God has a plan for us.
Sis. Love also mentioned that God has a definite plan for us. And because of what happened to Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, we placed the "human" limitation upon ourselves. Everytime we sin, we say, "I was just being human".
Sis. Love also said that God would not leave man alone to his own fate. She said that God gave us freewill to think for ourselves. He wants to bring us to Him at the end of our days and to restore our fellowship and intimacy with him.
That is God's plan for us, nothing more, nothing less. She even mentioned about how one girl would say that God does not love her and all because God supposedly allowed her boyfriend to cheat on her.
I guess such outpourings are inappropriate for us Christians. God's love has nothing to do with such worldly matters. We got hurt because we "desired" something when we should have only desired a communion with God.
I felt a little petty about my won worldly longings and dreams. This made me realize how "foolish" my life has been. Others would say I have lived a meaningful life. But after the first talk on this CLP, I realized I have not lived at all.
I have been vain, selfish, lustful, proud, and totally uncaring of others beyond my family circle. I have played it safe for so long. I have worked so hard and I have forgotten God.
I would like to make God the center of everything in my life starting now. And yes, I am a work in progress...I still have those deeply embedded sins within me but I hope to be blessed by God's gracious love so that I may realize His purpose for me.
This post is already too long for now so I guess I'll just post the second part of Sis. Love's lecture in another entry.
It talks about the pitfalls of the modern world and what we should do, as Christians, to avoid them.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Christian Life Program; A Calling
I joined the Singles for Christ's Christian Life Program, a twelve-week initiation of talks and lessons on Christian living which is conducted for interested single Christian men and women who wants to join SFC.
Last May 15, 2011, a good number of newbies like me attended the Orientation for the CLP at the PICs-SOF Building. The service team introduced the significance of what we are doing.
Bro. J.R. Pagdato, gave a short talk. He said that there are four types of people, the poor, the captive, the blind and the oppressed.
He also mentioned that the modern world is experiencing a lot of problems. He mentioned something about spiritual blindness, moral degeneration, promiscuity and homosexuality, greed and others. Among the causes he mentioned were: economic hard times, sociological reasons (society's lack of objective. He also said that in the early days, Christians did not easily trade off their principles. Now, we hear sayings like can you eat your principles? What does that say about us?
Bro. J.R. alos quoted Rick Warren, author of A Purpose Driven Life. "The biggest tragedy in life is not death but a life without purpose."I agree. It's like being one of the "living-dead", so to speak.
Then,he asked why we are lacking in spiritual power? He then gave the following answer:
1. Unwillingness to give up sin (this may be due to the lack of a serious sin)
2. Lack of personal relationship with Jesus
3. Lack of Christian support
4. Not living in the power of the Holy Spirit
There were a lot of realizations for me after the Bro. J.R.'s talk. It was enlightening. Reading about it all the time, and reflecting about it later on is different from having heard it spoken and discussed in that way.
I am glad Sis Flo, Sis Roxan and Bro. Dandy actually invited me to join the CLP. To quote the Service Team, they were, indeed, God's instruments to bring me into a fold of believers where I can truly express my faith, learn things I would not normally learn on my own, and share my faith with a community of believers who seem to accept me as I am.
The Christian Life Program of the SFC, according to our Brothers and Sisters in teh Service Team, has three modules with four sessions per modules.
In the first module, we have four talks:
1. God's Love
2. Who is Jesus Christ?
3. What it Means to be a Christian?
4. Repentance and Faith.
I am looking forward to more sessions. I will try my best not to miss any of the talks or sessions because it's a continuous thing.
I am really thankful to God for this chance. I thought that was all there is to it. I am glad to know there's more...
Last May 15, 2011, a good number of newbies like me attended the Orientation for the CLP at the PICs-SOF Building. The service team introduced the significance of what we are doing.
Bro. J.R. Pagdato, gave a short talk. He said that there are four types of people, the poor, the captive, the blind and the oppressed.
He also mentioned that the modern world is experiencing a lot of problems. He mentioned something about spiritual blindness, moral degeneration, promiscuity and homosexuality, greed and others. Among the causes he mentioned were: economic hard times, sociological reasons (society's lack of objective. He also said that in the early days, Christians did not easily trade off their principles. Now, we hear sayings like can you eat your principles? What does that say about us?
Bro. J.R. alos quoted Rick Warren, author of A Purpose Driven Life. "The biggest tragedy in life is not death but a life without purpose."I agree. It's like being one of the "living-dead", so to speak.
Then,he asked why we are lacking in spiritual power? He then gave the following answer:
1. Unwillingness to give up sin (this may be due to the lack of a serious sin)
2. Lack of personal relationship with Jesus
3. Lack of Christian support
4. Not living in the power of the Holy Spirit
There were a lot of realizations for me after the Bro. J.R.'s talk. It was enlightening. Reading about it all the time, and reflecting about it later on is different from having heard it spoken and discussed in that way.
I am glad Sis Flo, Sis Roxan and Bro. Dandy actually invited me to join the CLP. To quote the Service Team, they were, indeed, God's instruments to bring me into a fold of believers where I can truly express my faith, learn things I would not normally learn on my own, and share my faith with a community of believers who seem to accept me as I am.
The Christian Life Program of the SFC, according to our Brothers and Sisters in teh Service Team, has three modules with four sessions per modules.
In the first module, we have four talks:
1. God's Love
2. Who is Jesus Christ?
3. What it Means to be a Christian?
4. Repentance and Faith.
I am looking forward to more sessions. I will try my best not to miss any of the talks or sessions because it's a continuous thing.
I am really thankful to God for this chance. I thought that was all there is to it. I am glad to know there's more...
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
In Stillness
I told my heart to be still for a while as I contemplate the weight of my imperfect mortality before me.
Lord, forgive me for having an evil heart. And forgive me for listening to its dark urgings instead of hearing only Your loving words.
Help me Lord, for I am a sinner.
Lord, forgive me for having an evil heart. And forgive me for listening to its dark urgings instead of hearing only Your loving words.
Help me Lord, for I am a sinner.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Painless Hurt
Disappointments litter the life of every man. We are only disappoint because we expect too much from life and from others but, if we work with no expectation of a reward, we will truly be happy.
Lord, let me work and work hard in Your name and Your name alone. Let not all my efforts garner meaningless mortal praise and capricious human adulation. Let all my work be focus entirely upon your pleasure. Let me be an instrument of Your love.
Let my life be a celebration of Your unconditional love. Relieve my focus from worldly gain. Destroy all material desires within me. Humble me as a lowly mortal undeserving of Your blessings and love.
Lord, let me work and work hard in Your name and Your name alone. Let not all my efforts garner meaningless mortal praise and capricious human adulation. Let all my work be focus entirely upon your pleasure. Let me be an instrument of Your love.
Let my life be a celebration of Your unconditional love. Relieve my focus from worldly gain. Destroy all material desires within me. Humble me as a lowly mortal undeserving of Your blessings and love.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Prayers
"Heaven, please lead the prayer for us." One colleague requested during one meeting.
"I can't. I don't know how to pray." Heaven replied.
That is my usual line when it comes to abrupt prayer "requests" during meetings and sessions. Although when someone asks me to write prayers for them, I would usually agree since it does not require me to think on my feet and allows me time to really think about how I wanted the prayer to go.
But then, that is only because I am too conscious when I know that someone else is listening to my prayer. For to be realy, really honest, I do not know how to pray.
Our English teacher in high school taught us a prayer format where you were supposed to start by praising and thinking God. However, over the years, I forgot the format she taught us...And until now, I never bothered to look it up or to even ask.
Because when I pray, I usually do that after listening to Hillsong United or watching a music video of hillsong united. Then, I would be too overwhelmed with such emotion inside that I would start to cry and pray...with all my heart.
After that, I would not remember what I said, what I prayed for, what I asked God...I would just feel a strange sense of peace and security that will last for awhile and disappear in the gruelling and quite hectic labor of the day.
Then, I would do the same again before I go to bed and that same sense of calm and peace would descend. The same kind of peace I usually feel when I am inside the Adoration Chapel in front of the Parish Church.
Currently, I am using an old Our Daily Bread ( a throwback from 2009 which I never finished - I ended with January 12 and promptly lost the material and now, I saw it so daw sugpon lang) and the January 13 entry was quite affecting.
It quotes Job saying "I will speak in the anguish of my spirit."
It went on to add several prayers that are of an almost vitriolic nature...
This made me stop for a while and ponder.
If we speak from the depths of our heart, as we should when talking to God, then, we will not always be able to present a good front to Him. There will be times when we really will not be able to help ourselves. There will be outburst, cries of despair, angry outbursts...
But, no matter the nature of such outpourings, they remain prayers from us to our God...prayers by which we, as His children, communicate what we truly feel.
God wants us to honor that communication by being honest and true to Him in all ways. Saying and praying only good things when we talk to Him will not please Him. He would want us to open up to Him and tell Him our innermost thoughts and feelings.
Because He can take whatever we give - He loves us too much.
I take comfort in the knowledge that even if I cannot confide to anybody about my fears, my anger, my innermost thoughts, I can always do so with God.
"I can't. I don't know how to pray." Heaven replied.
That is my usual line when it comes to abrupt prayer "requests" during meetings and sessions. Although when someone asks me to write prayers for them, I would usually agree since it does not require me to think on my feet and allows me time to really think about how I wanted the prayer to go.
But then, that is only because I am too conscious when I know that someone else is listening to my prayer. For to be realy, really honest, I do not know how to pray.
Our English teacher in high school taught us a prayer format where you were supposed to start by praising and thinking God. However, over the years, I forgot the format she taught us...And until now, I never bothered to look it up or to even ask.
Because when I pray, I usually do that after listening to Hillsong United or watching a music video of hillsong united. Then, I would be too overwhelmed with such emotion inside that I would start to cry and pray...with all my heart.
After that, I would not remember what I said, what I prayed for, what I asked God...I would just feel a strange sense of peace and security that will last for awhile and disappear in the gruelling and quite hectic labor of the day.
Then, I would do the same again before I go to bed and that same sense of calm and peace would descend. The same kind of peace I usually feel when I am inside the Adoration Chapel in front of the Parish Church.
Currently, I am using an old Our Daily Bread ( a throwback from 2009 which I never finished - I ended with January 12 and promptly lost the material and now, I saw it so daw sugpon lang) and the January 13 entry was quite affecting.
It quotes Job saying "I will speak in the anguish of my spirit."
It went on to add several prayers that are of an almost vitriolic nature...
This made me stop for a while and ponder.
If we speak from the depths of our heart, as we should when talking to God, then, we will not always be able to present a good front to Him. There will be times when we really will not be able to help ourselves. There will be outburst, cries of despair, angry outbursts...
But, no matter the nature of such outpourings, they remain prayers from us to our God...prayers by which we, as His children, communicate what we truly feel.
God wants us to honor that communication by being honest and true to Him in all ways. Saying and praying only good things when we talk to Him will not please Him. He would want us to open up to Him and tell Him our innermost thoughts and feelings.
Because He can take whatever we give - He loves us too much.
I take comfort in the knowledge that even if I cannot confide to anybody about my fears, my anger, my innermost thoughts, I can always do so with God.
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