Loving Thy Neighbor

 

I was asked to talk about this particular topic in an SFC Christian Life Program in a neighboring chapter. My first thought, to be honest, was Why Me? and then Okay… and then, I decided to set it aside.

However, now that the talk is drawing quite near, I started wondering why I was asked to give the said talk because hey, I do not know what that topic really means. Really. My college school mates once accused me of not knowing how to relate to other people because I read too much. You do not read people in the same way that you read books.And my own mother once remarked that she already pities my future husband (if I ever get married) because I was so cold-blooded and aloof. Even an acquaintance once remarked how distant I really am with them – that I am surrounded by brick walls, all over… brick walls that are 12 feet high, and 10 feet thick. It was a joke, but I guess jokes are often half-truths.

And deep inside, beneath the façade, is really this dead person walking – because if this dead person could feel, she would be crying, and groaning day and night… but since I only started crying after I joined the SFC, I guess I am not used to letting my guard down.

I do know that the 10 commandments can be summarized into two : Love the Lord your God with all your strength, with all your mind and with all your heart and love your neighbors as you love yourself.

Whew. Simple words and reminders for every Christian but… I haven’t even gotten close to loving God with all my strength, heart and mind and now, I am being asked to answer to the 2nd command Jesus left His disciples.

I always thought that a Christian’s curriculum is somewhat similar to that of the formal school but I guess Christ’s operates in a similar manner as the alternative learning system – He meets the learner’s needs first. (Well, that is indeed another way of putting it)

Oremus pro invicem (Let Us Pray for one Another)

 

C.S. Lewis often ends his letters to his friends in this manner… (don’t ask me for details, I have not yet finished the book edited by Paul F. Ford, Yours, Jack : Spiritual Direction from C.S. Lewis.

And I would never have understood what that meant' if I was not brought into the CFC-Singles for Christ. Prayer is a tricky matter to me. God blessed me with the gift of writing. The English language is a wonderful tool of expression for me. But when it comes to prayer, I am often at a loss, out of words.

Of course I know the prayers taught during or Catechesis in school but I never seriously considered a different aspect of prayer… prayer is talking to God… prayer is being with our Father… Even until now, prayer is a challenge for me.

I never really prayer for others. I did not know how. And then, when I pray, I often wonder if my sincere in my prayers, if my heart is in it.

But somehow, I was blessed with a new view of prayer – praying for others. I used to wonder why we are urged to “pray for one another” and what’s the use. Only later did I learn what praying for one another means. You can only pray for others when others have opened themselves up so that you can pray for them. You can only pray for others when you feel that stirring of the Spirit, that desire to comfort and offer comfort and you know, that you can only help by praying for that other person. Your own struggles are set aside and you pray for peace and comfort for this other person. You see God’s grace at work in another’s life and you are filled with so much hope that He does the same for you.

Sometimes, we are just too closed to our own realities that we cannot see God’s hands in everything we do. But, by opening up to my sisters in the SFC during our household meetings, I have learned to be vulnerable, I have learned to lay down my worries and ask them to pray for me and I let them lay down their worries so that I can pray for them as well.

Praying for one another is very important and I often wonder how God has designed everything in our live’s that makes communion with other believers a very life-altering experience for someone who never really went out of her shell.

Confessions of A Procrastinator

 

I procrastinate. I usually rationalize procrastinating.

For instance, when I have work to do, I always find reasons why I cannot do them immediately. One, I don’t know enough about it (so I need time to research and all that) . Two, I have other things I have to do first (and then end up not doing them as well because I am bothered with this pending task I must do but did not do). Three, this task is not in my schedule!!! (so I end up rearranging my schedule until deadline). Fourth, I need a break (and out came my mobile phone with its fancy epub reader), I can do it tomorrow anyway.

Oftentimes, I would get hook with reading, researching, resting, and prioritizing or scheduling, and reading and resting and the cycle goes on and on and voila… deadline’s tomorrow…

I shut out all questions, confusions, set aside the mobile phone, throw away the calendars, and the planners and the never ending list of things to do and focus…

After about twenty minutes (if its’ just a report), or about two hours (if it’s a very lengthy and complicated report)… all done! And I am amazed at how quickly it was done… last minute creativity.

But really, it makes me feel awful because it means I never had the time to check my final output… the perfectionist defeated by time.

The need to take charge and be in control of everything I do makes me procrastinate. I want to be sure. Since I am not sure, I had to hold back and wait for the perfect time. But then, the perfect time may never come so I should just….

 

And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew, he also predestine to be conformed to the likeness of his Son. – Romans 8:28

What Do I Live For?

If my soul can sing right now, in the pit and the mire where it's at... this is just the song it would be playing...

Am I Heartless?

 

Am I heartless because I choose to live by my principles? Yes, I was heartless because I once chose to live by my principles – the principles of honesty, decency, loyalty and responsibility have been drilled into me by my experiences in my formative years.

Add the rather ruthless independent streak and the desire not to involve others in my troubles plus the desire to please everybody else around me, and yeah, I am rotten and heartless to the core…

Because I lived by my principles and not love… I was responsible, and decent, and honest to a fault (now I know what that means)…

But this time, I no longer live by those principles. I live by love. His love. How can I do something that offends my God but pleases other people? How can something offensive before the eyes of my Lord be good for His people? How can a lie, a deceitful action be ever good in the sight of this just and good and great God?

Now, am I heartless?

Am I heartless because I refused to swim and chose to sink and brought a whole boat with me? Am I heartless because I refused to do an obvious wrong?

I am hurt. The first and foremost person my action hurt was me.  My pride took a beating (and it needed that beating). My reputation was damaged. My promises of an easy way out has been destroyed. I have nothing…

Am I heartless? A lot of them has been hurt. My mother and I keep butting heads about it. My friends wonder at what I am doing… but how can I keep doing something that is so wrong to Him? How can I do that?

I chose this. I chose not to be god of my fate and the fate of others. I chose this because He is my God.

Now, am I heartless?