Am I Heartless?

 

Am I heartless because I choose to live by my principles? Yes, I was heartless because I once chose to live by my principles – the principles of honesty, decency, loyalty and responsibility have been drilled into me by my experiences in my formative years.

Add the rather ruthless independent streak and the desire not to involve others in my troubles plus the desire to please everybody else around me, and yeah, I am rotten and heartless to the core…

Because I lived by my principles and not love… I was responsible, and decent, and honest to a fault (now I know what that means)…

But this time, I no longer live by those principles. I live by love. His love. How can I do something that offends my God but pleases other people? How can something offensive before the eyes of my Lord be good for His people? How can a lie, a deceitful action be ever good in the sight of this just and good and great God?

Now, am I heartless?

Am I heartless because I refused to swim and chose to sink and brought a whole boat with me? Am I heartless because I refused to do an obvious wrong?

I am hurt. The first and foremost person my action hurt was me.  My pride took a beating (and it needed that beating). My reputation was damaged. My promises of an easy way out has been destroyed. I have nothing…

Am I heartless? A lot of them has been hurt. My mother and I keep butting heads about it. My friends wonder at what I am doing… but how can I keep doing something that is so wrong to Him? How can I do that?

I chose this. I chose not to be god of my fate and the fate of others. I chose this because He is my God.

Now, am I heartless?