I wanted so many things from life. I wanted financial independence. I seek a good and comfortable teaching post. I desire further education. I want to travel whenever I have the opportunity.
I also want my own nice little house… for myself and my family. I want a car too for a comfortable way of travelling. I want comfort and peace and prosperity and a quiet life. Those are the things that I want.
My mother wants me to get promotions, to be in a position of power and fame… She wants me to explore my potential and she wants me to be everything she wanted to be… until she had me.She wants me to aggressively finish my post graduate studies. She wants me to win awards as an outstanding teacher. She wants me to have it all.
But it seems God wants something else for me. He wants me for something else. He placed me in a work where I uncomfortably started off. He wanted me to learn life’s lessons in a humble way. He wanted me to become a tough follower in celestial terms. He wanted me to do something else, not just sit in my room and write or read books. He gave me a family that’s too big to comfortably feed in a month, a house that uncomfortably squats beside public land, a body that does not sit well with the mind and ambitions planted in me since I was young. He placed in my heart a desire to be with His people when I have been reared an environment of distrust and confusion.
These three things, three ideals, three visions of what I want and what my life should be is tearing at me. But looking at it now, does it not seem clear which vision is best for me?
Thus says Yahweh, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: I, Yahweh, your God, teach you what is best for you; I lead you in the way you must go. Had you paid attention to my commandments, your peace would have been like a river, your righteousness like the waves of the sea. Your descendants would have been like the sand, and those born of your stock like its grains, their names never cut off nor blotted out from my presence. – Isaiah 48:17-19
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