I guess I can’t help it. I used to spend valentines day and its aftermath being too busy to ponder or think. With my sore eyes, I can’t do that. And my family forced me to quarantine myself for two days now.
I spent the day after my 29th valentine’s day thinking: I think I found him. I found the guy that I would want to spend the rest of my life with. I found my so called “ideal man”. And I know I will not do anything about it (not after the rejected 4th grade love letter nor the early adulthood fan mail).
He is someone I met in 2012 when I was not hoping to meet anyone, just the miracle of a life that is going to change for the better.I tempered the feelings and admired him from a distance. I was determined to just admire and not feel anything.
The first time I met him, he did not really impress me until he started talking. I know and feel he will understand me and understand the struggles I was going through. I like his honesty, his maturity and his love of family. I admire his zeal and love and focus and passion for God. I know I would love talking to him and he would be able to understand me.
This man inspired me. When I think about him, I feel good inside. I like knowing he is there and that my ideal is not impossible after all. I did once say I would know if I meet the one I would want to marry right? I was right. I did say I will never just “settle” right? And I probably never will.
He and I are unlike in many ways. He loves freely, he can cook, he is gregarious and spontaneous and open whilst I still lurk in the shadows, fearful of love, doubtful of human nature and distrustful of a whole host of things. He is beyond my reach at all. I know about him and he does not know about me. He lives in another region and I don’t know if I will ever see him again.I like knowing he has a reserved space in his heart for the woman who will be his wife someday. He is very conscious of this partner who will enter his life in the future. Whoever she is, she is very lucky and blessed to have a husband who would honor his vows, who will raise a family he will lead to God, who would love and cherish the woman he marries till his dying day. His sons and daughters would be very blessed to have him as a father. This is how I admire him so!
He deserves a woman who will complement him. Who will take care of him, love him, be loyal to him and share his passion, love and commitment. And I am praying that he will find her. Few men would say they wanted to get married, but he is very eager for his very own God’s gift. God, it just hurts a bit to think about it. Me, praying like this. I would pray that He set him aside for me but I am not the one for him. Sad to say, my ideal man has a perfectly different ideal woman in mind.
This is reality.
He is waiting for his God’s gift while I keep wondering if God has something as good for me.
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