When Nothing Makes Sense

I filled my life with work, familial obligation, friendship...and still, it is not enough.

I decided to go one step better and joined an organization of young men and women who are searching and still, it is not enough.

You might think that I am happy, satisfied with life. How do the English put it, 'I am most content." Am I?

No.

Because in my heart, there is a hunger for more. In my heart, there is this compelling urge to give more. My line of work requires me to do so. Give more and get less. But, still, it is not enough.

I am starting to feel this nagging sense of unease that's eating me from the inside out. I want to do more, be more for Him. I want to give it all to Him because to do less renders everything meaningless.

There is a gaping hole in my heart that no worldly thing could ever fill. I want my God. It cries, relentlessly. I want to serve my God.

But, I know I am unworthy of it all. A sinner, not just in action, but more in thoughts and in words and in motivations. And still, my heart craves for more of Him. I long for that time when I can do something and honestly say, Lord, I am lifting this up to You. This is Yours. Be glorified.

Lord, I do long for that day when I can honestly say that my life is truly yours, that everything I do, I do in Your name. Lead me to that day.