With all of Me

Not less that one year with the CFC-Singles for Christ and I am learning a lot. I have also experienced a lot. Indeed, I remember saying something unkind about SFC before I became a part of it (that was on February or April 2011, I think).

And on the same year, I joined the group.

Now I know how it feels to worship and praise Him with a community of believers. Listening to others speak about our wonderful and amazing God keeps the fire burning...true.

After our Lord's Day, I backed off from the community for a while. Guilt trips, confusion, doubts made me step off a proverbial cross road in my life. I think the worldly me refused to let go of the world and its delights and pleasures. Another part of me felt unworthy and undeserving of such a profound declaration of commitment.

The SFC covenant in itself was a daunting hurdle. I am in a financial mess, I have siblings to look after and I have a mother I need to placate most times. I have a demanding workload that requires me to be on call 24/7.  I also have my ambitions, the raging desire to conquer the world of the academe...

But, one Sunday morning, He reminded me of the best thing that I could ever have - His love, His unconditional, unceasing, amazing, and frighteningly overwhelming love. I felt loved, totally loved and consumed by that love that morning that I could no longer say no to His call.

He created me for something. He gave me so much for something.

But the walk was not easy. The road was unpaved.

I did not know how I was supposed to think, to feel and to behave. I did not know where to go. I did not know what spiritual guidance was like. All I know is that He loves me and I want to love Him back.

I started attending household meetings, chapter meetings, and for the first time, the SFC Provincial Conference last May 26-27, 2012.

I was astounded by His hand throughout it all. I learned that God provides and He guides every step we take.

Two weeks before the provincial conference, I was already suffering from a secret sin (one I have shared with our DGL during the CLP). And I was wondering if I will ever be able to do something about it.

God did something about it that day, during a workshop-one I would not have consciously chosen if I was able to read the subtitle. Thankfully, the registration form did not have the subtitle.

The workshop was an eye opener. The speaker, a tool, an instrument for affirming what I already know but refused to believe in.

We keep singing songs that claim we worship/praise/follow Him "with all of me" but did we ever really surrender, not just our strengths but also our weaknesses to Him? Trying to deal with the problem on my own was not the answer. Trying to deal with it was not the answer.

He said it will not be easy (and it is not) but, just remember, God is a GREAT GOD. We are children of God. And if He is great, can we be anything less?

Now, I know why the covenant requires us to join ALL activities of the SFC.

And yes, I am looking forward to the Regional Conference this year. And if God wills it, I would be joining as well.