The last time I attended our Lower North Sector Upper Heads Meeting was last March. A lot of conflicts in my schedule and certain emotional and spiritual state issues got in the way. (I probably did not think too much about the value of attending our Upper Heads Meetings).
Last week, I decided that no matter what my emotional or spiritual state is, I am going to attend these Prayer Meetings… it does not matter if they are near or far or if someone is going to travel with me to these parts but I will be attending them anyway.
My desires and decisions were affirmed in our Chapter Assembly and Prayer Meetings for the month of July. Sis Remz said “Unaha lang bala ya ana ka Diyos, indi ka guid magsala.” (Put God first and you will never go wrong).
Why have I failed to attend our upper heads meetings? One reason is I like to say yes to keep the peace at home. Nanay does not like it when I go off to wherever it is I go off for SFC. So, in my desire not to rock the boat, I would just stay at home and sulk. The lack of financial resources is another. I have made a mess of the resources God has given me (that is another story in itself), so I am suffering the consequences now. So sometimes, I can’t go because I do not have the money for the fare. Another reason is the emotional and spiritual state I am in. I have work to do and I am tired have become overused phrases for a long while now.
But, in truth, it’s just my lack of faith and commitment and my laziness that gets in the way. It’s true. God gives you everything you ask from Him especially when the purpose is for His kingdom. It’s just that I do not ask because sometimes, it’s easier to hide in my room and let life run away from me.
But, today I felt deeply affirmed for having attended the Upper Heads meeting. It has always been like this in our Upper Heads meetings. I don’t know exactly what the difference is but after it, I would feel stronger, better, and comforted. I would go home with a lightness and gladness of heart even if I would still be going home to the same problems and issues I left behind in the first place. I just feel spiritually stronger.
Today, I clearly felt God’s consolation and love. I felt His invitation. I realized that invitation has always been there. I felt He has been asking me to serve Him in this way but I have always refused Him because I desired something else, something easier, something I wanted when He wanted something else.
I thought I was an ALS Mobile Teacher because He planned to use ALS as a stepping stone in my rise to a higher position. I did not know that higher position does not mean a promotion along the higher echelons of DepEd. His promotion was something else. He wants me to do what He has done, to walk the path He has walked, to reach out to the people who needs the most, to go out and gather the the lost, the least and the last.
I am a Mobile Teacher not just for show. He led me into this particular work for a reason and it’s not just for me to grow in here. He has a purpose and I am praying that He would help heal my bitterness and my pain so I can be of better use in His miracles…
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