Triumphs and Tears

 

The results of the ALS A&E Test have come out this week and it was a fascinating study in contrast… another learning curve in my life.

I am feeling a poignant sort of triumph and assurance as well as a little regret for what must be but I am happy and confident that the learners who passed were indeed deserving and worth their salt. These learners are truly ready for college…

In my Passi NHS Learning Group, the following passed the test:

1. Anna Marie Agudon

2. Reanne Ruales

3. Dexter Dave Panes

4. Ralph Paclibar

5. Rhody Lyn Lapera

I am confident that these 5 are indeed ready for anything that will come in their future. They have gone through a lot. Life was not easy but at least, they have what it is needed to pursue a brighter future ahead of them.

To those who did not make it, there is still another year. I pray that together, we can prepare for what lies ahead.

To God be the all the glory!!!

When Worlds Collide

Musical description of my emotional state:

This is not my world and I am not made for here. But when you are totally immersed in it, you can either sink or swim. I need my lifeline... I need Him so much...

Developing Oneself while Developing K to 12-Compliant ALS Learning Materials

This week's Workshop on the Development of K to 12-Compliant ALS Learning Materials here at the GSP Helena Z. Benitez National Program and Training Center here in Tagaytay City is both a professional and personal growth time for me.

The writers @ GSP, Helena Z. Benitez National Program
and Training Center, Tagaytay City.

We were required to study the ALS curriculum vis-a-vis the K to 12 Curriculum of the formal school. Just going over the differences, similarities and gaps between the two is a nerve wracking process. Findings revealed that the ALS Curriculum for Basic Education is not that different from the K to 12 Curriculum once the gaps have been addressed... and that is the reason why we are here - to address the differences.

I have always been a solo-worker.

I don't really resent other people's opinion regarding how I work but the artistic bent in me desires full and free expression. I want to be able to fully explore all options and possibilities available to me.

However, we were grouped into learning strands and we were expected to work together. Since I am not used to it, I did not know how to approach this particular project. But with Ma'am Cora from La Carlota and Ma'am Elaine from Cavite, I was able to learn something essential. I can work with a partner or a group.

I can work even if I am not very interested in the material I am developing. I can actually surrender  and leave everything to God. I can go with the flow and trust that He will not drop me as long as I rely upon Him for everything.

I will probably be talking of all the other experiences, moving and touching experiences I had this week but yes, I feel so blessed because He never left my side at all.

Christ the Lord from a Vampire Writer

 

Anne Rice, yes, who would have thought. I probably lived under a big rock or something but this is the first time that I gave attention to my favorite contemporary novelist… again.

Well, yes, essentially, Anne Rice wrote the books I read in high school, which were quite popular to people my age then, at least, people whose opinion mattered to me. My romance novels were ridiculed even by my favorite teachers – they believe (and in a way I agree with them), that those books were not good for me.

But not Anne Rice. Anne Rice was okay. Well, she is okay to people with brains not like mine because you see, whatever I read, I consume. And I consumed Anne Rice’s world – just like Rowling and Shakespeare, and Bronte. I get away with romance novels because, these books can be read and discarded, just like that. They don’t really stick in my head and cause me nightmares. But not Anne Rice – no, not Anne Rice.

Armand haunted me for years. One of her books on witches haunted me for days that I penned a letter asking it to be taken out of the library’s circulation section. Her Queen of the Damned was with me all through my rides. She was boring with her prose but eloquent with her words and yes, she can capture you with the details. And she dazzled me with hers.

I followed Anne Rice. I even read her as Ann Roquelaure. Yes, it’s Anne’s pen name for her erotica and yes, I have read her three Beauty series. I even lent one of her books about an island of pleasure (I forgot the title) to a student.

And no, I was not that into Anne Rice and no I am not advicing you to read her books, not those prior to the Christ the Lord series.

I remember seeing Out of Egypt at National Bookstore years ago and imagine my surprise upon seeing whose name the byline is. Anne Rice. I mean, no. She could not have. And I ignored the book. I don’t trust Anne Rice at all.

Until I finished her book today and learned of how she returned back to the Catholic Church before her husband’s death. But prior to that, I read her announcment about how she was renouncing Christianity because of her son, her homosexual son.

All the Time in the World

 

When I heard from our household head that our area coordinator in the lower north sector of the CFC-SFC is leaving for abroad, the only words that crossed my mind was “I thought I had more time.”

I thought I had more time. I did not realize how much I would regret taking a rain check for a sleepover with the two of them last December. I never expected that I would regret clamming up whenever she asked me questions because I thought we were in a rather public setting. I never thought I would regret holding back questions I would have popped up just because I was afraid what those questions would reflect about me, and who I am or how people see me. If only I were more forthcoming, more open, more accepting, more courageous…

Sayang. So many wasted opportunities. So many chances of getting to know a woman who is so spirit-filled and so blessed as Sis Tess is. I could have talked to her. I could have shared, really shared with her.

What held me back? Fear?Trepidation? The usual social- distance- rule engraved upon me from my rather dry and sterile background? Being too shy? Insecure?

Cold creature comforts tonight – as I think of the overflowing blessings and graces I received just by listening to her address us in general. I listened to her and I was comforted, affirmed, strengthened, reminded, loved…

She has allowed God to love others through her. And I thought I had all the time in the world to really, really share in her life.

But all the time in the world ended today…..

Talitha Kumi

 

Mark 5:21-43 tells the story of my currently favourite miracle that Jesus has performed. This is the story that made me see Jesus, really see Him as a person, as one who walked this Earth before us, as one who truly lived. After I read this, I become truly conscious and very eager to read the Gospel because I know I would encounter this beautiful and wonderful Jesus again.

And He is amazing! No wonder we are drawn to Him, from the cradle to the cross, to the cave and to the throne.

Jairus came to Jesus to ask him to heal his sick and dying daughter. On the way, they were met by some people who came to inform Jairus not to trouble the Master any further because his daughter is already dead.

And what did Jesus say to Jairus?

But Jesus ignored what they said and told the official, “Do not fear, just believe.” A favourite sentence which now lingers in my mind every time I become afraid. Jesus telling us, do not fear, just believe – is it not comforting? Isn’t that enough of a security blanket on those cold and fearful nights when you find yourself wondering where the next cent would come?

They laughed at him. But Jesus sent them outside and went with the child’s father and mother and his companions into the room where the child lay. Taking her by the hand, he said to her, “Talitha kumi!” which means: ‘Little girl, get up!” – Mark 5:40-41

And what did the girl do? The 12 year old child got up at once and began to walk around.

Jesus called and despite death, He was heard and the one called responded, not with words, but with action.

Talitha kumi is a favourite phrase now. It reminds me that Jesus calls me every day and it reminds me that I should respond… lovingly respond not just with mere words but with actions.

In God’s Perfect Time

 

Two weeks ago, while rooting on old documents, I found a very old piece of bondpaper with a wildflower taped on its corners.

I smiled when I saw my handwriting. The short note was dated September 3, 2010. That long ago.

I smiled as I looked back on how I started a daily reflective walk back then. My world was in a terrible shape. I was floundering in the dark – professionally, emotionally, spiritually.

If you got to know me as I am now, you probably would not have wanted to get to know the Heaven that I was two years ago. I did not even like myself!

Attached on that whimsical note was a letter written on a yellow pad paper. It was dated November 7, 2010 and it was addressed to God. (It started with Dear God…)

I was asking God why I have an empty feeling in my heat. Why I felt so lost. I mentioned about being so emotional and then being so numb and dead inside.

I told God that I did not understand my self, my life and my world. I asked Him why he denied me the things I have asked from Him. I asked Him if He loves me or not. And to quote one line: “I’m sure You know what I am talking about even if I clearly don’t.”

And then, I asked Him for several things and yes, let me enumerate:

1. OSCYA’s to come forward so that I will have learners in my sessions

2. His presence in my life because I felt so far from Him

3. A new laptop and an internet connection (I had a second-hand laptop back then).

4. A much deeper connection and understanding from/with Him

5. Forgiveness and for Him to make me feel it

6. Emotions because inside I was dead

7. A better life (holier life and self – yep, I wrote that)

8. I asked Him to give me the “strength, the courage, the blessings to continue with this work that I no longer believe in”

9. Assign someone to watch over me and my idiocy and my sinfulness.

And to all 9, He has responded. He gave me Himself, fully, completely. He gave me a community where I can fully share Him and the people who believe and follow Him. It is beautiful how God works. And I did not know He was even working things out like that, so quickly, so drastically, and sometimes so painfully.

Every time I realize and feel His love, that overflowing sense of being so loved utterly and completely and unconditionally, I cry. I always cry. Because it is not normal for me. I took emotions and feelings for granted. I take love and affection for granted. I have learned to protect myself from rejection that I stopped feeling anything… and yes, I even could not feel His love… until He took my blinders.

Jesus is more real to me now. He is not just that hazy figure in history but a friend, a familiar friend I get to experience every morning and evening and yes, every moment of every day of my life. It’s just so beautiful, so overwhelmingly beautiful. Now I can feel how Jesus drew people and is drawing them still now.

And He gave it all to me, in His perfect time.