These No Longer Matter

Turn your eyes upon Jesus

Look full in His wonderful face

And the things of the earth

will grow strangely dim

in the light of His glory and grace.

 

I used to sing this song simply because it made me feel better but I never really understood the lyrics – until recently. I finished a book too, recently. Good News for those Trying Harder by Alan Kraft. This opened my eyes to certain truths that my legalistic brain could not grasp. It was followed by circumstantial revelations and leadings which astounded me. Why did I not see this before?

I have been reading the book for quite a while too. It took me very long to finish the whole book and it left me with a heavy heart when I learned how I tried to live a life pleasing to God when He is already well-pleased with me. My God is so fond of me that He sent His only Son to save me from myself. I have a great God. A God bigger than religion. And I feel so blessed.

I used to be a workaholic – addicted to the taste of triumph and success of doing a job so well that I had no time for anything else. I had to run the play and watch in the sidelines as everything unfolds. I had to be in the center of everything I do. I want to work and work hard. Work defined my life. Being the responsible daughter, responsible employee, responsible teacher was all that I am. When I joined the CFC-Singles for Christ, I wanted to be a responsible Christian… I was so fervent in my desire to please my God that I never realized everything I did became a burden to me. I carried the heavy loads and responsibilities of work because I saw my God with clouded eyes. I thought I had to earn His love and work my butt off in order to please Him and be saved. I did not realize how poisonous that mindset was. It was the road to hell, not salvation. I was trying to find and attain life thru self-effort and not Christ. What I tended to call my prayer time every morning and evening were actually Bible Study time. I read the Bible religiously because I wanted instruction on how to live a life that is pleasing to God. I never knew that God wanted a relationship with me. That the Bible was only His love letter to me. He did not hire me to be His employee. Heaven and salvation was not the fee for services rendered. No. They were a given. We are already saved when we believe in Him, in His name. Trying to earn His favor by doing empty good works is not what He wants from us.

He wants us to enjoy Him. Delight in Him. Truly loving others and loving Him does not come from self-effort. We do not force ourselves to love our boyfriends or at least to like our crushes.We just feel the depth of love and affection and are sometimes overtaken by them. The same is true with Christ. Love begets love. If we only give Him the chance to work in us, if we open our hearts to Him – how could we not love Him? Everytime I read a book about His pain, His love, I get overwhelmed. I remember two songs actually. The King and I’s How Can I Not Love You? and Jesus Christ Superstar’s “I Don’t Know How to Love Him”

Love comes about because we bask in His love all the time. Patience comes about because we have this relationship with Him. The fruits of the Spirit comes about when we commune with the Spirit. Not out of self-effort. If we try to convince ourselves to feel moved, to feel compassion, to ignore our pain and be forgiving, and selfless and utterly dedicated to service,  to work hard because we had to as Christians - everything will be for show then – like the Pharisees. I am like those Pharisees. I wanted to please God by doing penance and sacrifices, by following the Law – love God above all else and love your neighbor as yourself (it was difficult and painful and I learned to fake it). I was eager to please God even to the point that He would be very pleased and happy with me even if I was already hurting myself. I never entertained the pain. I told myself – think positive, think positive. But the gauze on the wounds of my self-inflicted pains kept dripping. The bile I had to drink made me bitter, made me angry, made me wonder why I always had to make the sacrifices. It came to the point when I asked, why am I the only who had to think of others. Does anybody every think about me, for me? This is not what He wants from us. This is not His plan for us.

Of course, Someone was thinking about me all the time – I just forgot to think about Him. My Wonderful Savior was just waiting for me to see Him, hear Him, feel His love. I was busy doing good works and reading the Bible that I actually forgot Him. Wow.

Are you like that too? Then let’s pray: Almighty God and Savior, Creator of Heaven and Earth, wonderful Redeemer and Healer of all pains, save us from ourselves, Lord God. Break our hearts that we may feel Your love, burn our eyes that we may see Your face, pierce our skins that we may feel Your presence… Show us Lord, how You have endured the most terrible of hell’s pain so that we need not suffer it anymore. Teach us that we need only to call upon Your name, and we will be saved. Amen.

 

 

 

He Broke My Heart Many Times

He broke my heart many times.

He took away my toys-

     Trampled on my palace walls.

     Destroyed my prince and princess

     And smote my mighty fortress.

He broke my heart many times.

He annihilated my room -

     Demolished my CD stacks,

     Knocked down the many shelves,

     And threw out all my books.

He broke my heart many times.

He crushed my little home -

     Pulled apart its foundations,

     Smash its ramparts upon itself,

     And burned down everything else.

He broke my heart many times.

Until I fell apart and found myself in His arms –

     Broken heart made whole

     And stonelike no more. 

                           - written on November 21, 2012, 08:50 PM

I am Pro-Life

   from http://www.spiritualquestionshelpline.com

The November 15 FOTM reflection sort of "affected" me in an unexpected way.

I have never really been an active supporter of the pro-life group when it came to the RH Bill but this bowled me over.

Wow. This is just so terrible. I mean have we come to this? Have we really? And how could I care less? How could I have been so tolerant and so open-minded about all this?

RH Bill has never been a personal issue or dilemma for me. I was more the "educate the teens, make them feel loved" advocate. When you ask me what my opinions are regarding RH Bill, I would say, "I do not know enough to even make an opinion". In short, I do not really much care to know enough and make an opinion.

The Roman Catholic church is very distinct on its pro-life stand but I did not want to be judgmental about people and non-believers but yes, we as believers should know and should take a stand against the perpetuation of wickedness in our midst. And if the world condemns us for our beliefs and faithfulness to the Word, we simply had to remember that Christ has already overcome the world. :)

I have just noted 1 Corinthians 6:12 and sort of applied it to other aspects of my own life but the verse applies to this as well.

Here's a look at the November 15 Facts of the Matter reflection:

November 15: Could This Be Next?

"'Dear Mom:

'Gosh, can you believe it's 2023 already?… It seems just yesterday I was sitting in first grade celebrating the century change. I know we haven't really chatted since Christmas. Sorry. Anyway, I have some difficult news and I really didn't want to call and talk face-to-face. Ted's had a promotion and I should be up for a hefty raise this year if I keep putting in those crazy hours. You know how I work at it. Yes, we're still struggling with the bills.

'Timmy's been 'okay' at kindergarten although he complains about going. But then, he wasn't happy about day care either, so what can I do? He's been a real problem, Mom. He's a good kid, but quite honestly, he's an unfair burden at this time in our lives. Ted and I have talked this through and through and finally made a choice. Plenty of other families have made it and are much better off.

'Our pastor is supportive and says hard decisions are necessary. The family is a 'system' and the demands of one member shouldn't be allowed to ruin the whole. He told us to be prayerful, consider all the factors, and do what is right to make the family work. He says that even though he probably wouldn't do it himself, the decision is really ours. He was kind enough to refer us to a children's clinic near here, so at least that part's easy.

'I'm not an uncaring mother. I do feel sorry for the little guy. I think he overheard Ted and me talking about 'it' the other night. I turned around and saw him standing at the bottom of the step in his PJ's with the little bear you gave him under his arm and his eyes sort of welling up. Mom, the way he looked at me just about broke my heart. But honestly I believe this is better for Timmy, too.

'It's not fair to force him to live in a family that can't give him the time and attention he deserves. And please don't give me the kind of grief Grandma gave you over your abortions. It is the same thing, you know. We've told him he's just going in for a vaccination. Anyway, they say it is painless. I guess it's just as well you haven't seen that much of him.

Love to Dad:

Jane'"[172]

"You shall not murder." (Exodus 20:13)

The annotation states this as the source: First Things, page 84, Number 85

For more information, check: www.factsofthematter.org or download the Bible Explorer for your offline reference.

http://www.catholic-chaplaincy.org.uk

In Quiet Praise

They praise You in song,

In the wondrous beat of gongs.

They praise You with drums

With the wild, ascent of sounds.

But here I am

In a church corner,

My knees bent down,

And my head bent low-

As I whisper my gratitude

With all that I am, in quiet praise.

                         - undated, but written several months ago

Someday

Someday,

I want to write a song

Telling You how much I love You.

Someday,

I want to be able to sing

Of a love from within me

That overwhelms me completely.

Someday,

I want to be able to fondly claim

That my heart is consumed

By the passion You inspire.

For now however,

I pray,

Let me feel Your love

That I may love You

Someday…

- written on June 2, 2012, 10:07 PM

Fragile Faith

My faith is weak. Tested, it crumbles and everything falls apart.

Lord, give me a stronger faith. Make me believe that You will provide for our needs as we need them. Make me understand and believe that even if things go wrong, You will see me through it all.

In You, everything will be alright. That despite my weaknesses, my sinfulness... I am still loved and forgiven.

Away from the World

Sometimes, life gets too cluttered with non-essentials that we often need to step back for a change in perspective.

I have started (albeit half-heartedly) this retreat three weeks ago and today, I am on it's third week. I pray that He will sustain me and keep me faithful in this particular program.

I know, I am one of those types who can't keep things going after the first flame of passion has petered out but this journey is not something that I willfully started. He led me to this particular walk and I expect He will keep pulling me until it is completed.

If you want to try this retreat (pray first and ask for strength from Him, we need it)... just visit this link...Online Retreat for Everyday Life. It's a 34-week retreat patterned after the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola.

Before you begin, open your mind and hearts and trust Him who led You to this retreat.