I told my heart to be still for a while as I contemplate the weight of my imperfect mortality before me.
Lord, forgive me for having an evil heart. And forgive me for listening to its dark urgings instead of hearing only Your loving words.
Help me Lord, for I am a sinner.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Painless Hurt
Disappointments litter the life of every man. We are only disappoint because we expect too much from life and from others but, if we work with no expectation of a reward, we will truly be happy.
Lord, let me work and work hard in Your name and Your name alone. Let not all my efforts garner meaningless mortal praise and capricious human adulation. Let all my work be focus entirely upon your pleasure. Let me be an instrument of Your love.
Let my life be a celebration of Your unconditional love. Relieve my focus from worldly gain. Destroy all material desires within me. Humble me as a lowly mortal undeserving of Your blessings and love.
Lord, let me work and work hard in Your name and Your name alone. Let not all my efforts garner meaningless mortal praise and capricious human adulation. Let all my work be focus entirely upon your pleasure. Let me be an instrument of Your love.
Let my life be a celebration of Your unconditional love. Relieve my focus from worldly gain. Destroy all material desires within me. Humble me as a lowly mortal undeserving of Your blessings and love.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Prayers
"Heaven, please lead the prayer for us." One colleague requested during one meeting.
"I can't. I don't know how to pray." Heaven replied.
That is my usual line when it comes to abrupt prayer "requests" during meetings and sessions. Although when someone asks me to write prayers for them, I would usually agree since it does not require me to think on my feet and allows me time to really think about how I wanted the prayer to go.
But then, that is only because I am too conscious when I know that someone else is listening to my prayer. For to be realy, really honest, I do not know how to pray.
Our English teacher in high school taught us a prayer format where you were supposed to start by praising and thinking God. However, over the years, I forgot the format she taught us...And until now, I never bothered to look it up or to even ask.
Because when I pray, I usually do that after listening to Hillsong United or watching a music video of hillsong united. Then, I would be too overwhelmed with such emotion inside that I would start to cry and pray...with all my heart.
After that, I would not remember what I said, what I prayed for, what I asked God...I would just feel a strange sense of peace and security that will last for awhile and disappear in the gruelling and quite hectic labor of the day.
Then, I would do the same again before I go to bed and that same sense of calm and peace would descend. The same kind of peace I usually feel when I am inside the Adoration Chapel in front of the Parish Church.
Currently, I am using an old Our Daily Bread ( a throwback from 2009 which I never finished - I ended with January 12 and promptly lost the material and now, I saw it so daw sugpon lang) and the January 13 entry was quite affecting.
It quotes Job saying "I will speak in the anguish of my spirit."
It went on to add several prayers that are of an almost vitriolic nature...
This made me stop for a while and ponder.
If we speak from the depths of our heart, as we should when talking to God, then, we will not always be able to present a good front to Him. There will be times when we really will not be able to help ourselves. There will be outburst, cries of despair, angry outbursts...
But, no matter the nature of such outpourings, they remain prayers from us to our God...prayers by which we, as His children, communicate what we truly feel.
God wants us to honor that communication by being honest and true to Him in all ways. Saying and praying only good things when we talk to Him will not please Him. He would want us to open up to Him and tell Him our innermost thoughts and feelings.
Because He can take whatever we give - He loves us too much.
I take comfort in the knowledge that even if I cannot confide to anybody about my fears, my anger, my innermost thoughts, I can always do so with God.
"I can't. I don't know how to pray." Heaven replied.
That is my usual line when it comes to abrupt prayer "requests" during meetings and sessions. Although when someone asks me to write prayers for them, I would usually agree since it does not require me to think on my feet and allows me time to really think about how I wanted the prayer to go.
But then, that is only because I am too conscious when I know that someone else is listening to my prayer. For to be realy, really honest, I do not know how to pray.
Our English teacher in high school taught us a prayer format where you were supposed to start by praising and thinking God. However, over the years, I forgot the format she taught us...And until now, I never bothered to look it up or to even ask.
Because when I pray, I usually do that after listening to Hillsong United or watching a music video of hillsong united. Then, I would be too overwhelmed with such emotion inside that I would start to cry and pray...with all my heart.
After that, I would not remember what I said, what I prayed for, what I asked God...I would just feel a strange sense of peace and security that will last for awhile and disappear in the gruelling and quite hectic labor of the day.
Then, I would do the same again before I go to bed and that same sense of calm and peace would descend. The same kind of peace I usually feel when I am inside the Adoration Chapel in front of the Parish Church.
Currently, I am using an old Our Daily Bread ( a throwback from 2009 which I never finished - I ended with January 12 and promptly lost the material and now, I saw it so daw sugpon lang) and the January 13 entry was quite affecting.
It quotes Job saying "I will speak in the anguish of my spirit."
It went on to add several prayers that are of an almost vitriolic nature...
This made me stop for a while and ponder.
If we speak from the depths of our heart, as we should when talking to God, then, we will not always be able to present a good front to Him. There will be times when we really will not be able to help ourselves. There will be outburst, cries of despair, angry outbursts...
But, no matter the nature of such outpourings, they remain prayers from us to our God...prayers by which we, as His children, communicate what we truly feel.
God wants us to honor that communication by being honest and true to Him in all ways. Saying and praying only good things when we talk to Him will not please Him. He would want us to open up to Him and tell Him our innermost thoughts and feelings.
Because He can take whatever we give - He loves us too much.
I take comfort in the knowledge that even if I cannot confide to anybody about my fears, my anger, my innermost thoughts, I can always do so with God.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
My Egypt
I just wanted to take this portion of one of my blogs to publicly express how grateful I am for God's blessings.
He has just given me a storm of blessings this quarter and I feel...well, blessed.
I must admit, I am on an Exodus to my own little paradise. The journey is taking me quite longer than I expected it to take but I guess, I understand why.
Understanding came after listening to a Day by Day broadcast on DYVS.The focus or topic of the discussion is on the exodus of the Israelites out of Egypt.It was emphasized how the Israelites went ballistic after days out in the desert. Bro. Ed cited scholars saying that the journey out of Egypt to the PRomised land should have taken them only about a week. However, since the Israelites lost faith, turned whiny and etc., they wandered in the Desert for forty years.
I, too, am in my desert right now, hoping to reach my Promised Land. Like the Israelites, I am also longing for that land overflowing with milk and honey. However, at the first sign of trouble, I keep looking back to my Egypt.
The reason why I never really felt my life had meaning and happiness in it is because I kept looking behind for my Egypt. Like the Israelites who wanted to turn back to Egypt after going through uncomfortable times, I also kept loosing faith and hope that God would see me through the tough times in life.
God never lets us down and we should trust Him to see us through trials and tribulations. We should also be grateful for the blessings He continually showers us with. And most of all, I learned that I should never whine.
God is good. All the time.
He has just given me a storm of blessings this quarter and I feel...well, blessed.
I must admit, I am on an Exodus to my own little paradise. The journey is taking me quite longer than I expected it to take but I guess, I understand why.
Understanding came after listening to a Day by Day broadcast on DYVS.The focus or topic of the discussion is on the exodus of the Israelites out of Egypt.It was emphasized how the Israelites went ballistic after days out in the desert. Bro. Ed cited scholars saying that the journey out of Egypt to the PRomised land should have taken them only about a week. However, since the Israelites lost faith, turned whiny and etc., they wandered in the Desert for forty years.
I, too, am in my desert right now, hoping to reach my Promised Land. Like the Israelites, I am also longing for that land overflowing with milk and honey. However, at the first sign of trouble, I keep looking back to my Egypt.
The reason why I never really felt my life had meaning and happiness in it is because I kept looking behind for my Egypt. Like the Israelites who wanted to turn back to Egypt after going through uncomfortable times, I also kept loosing faith and hope that God would see me through the tough times in life.
God never lets us down and we should trust Him to see us through trials and tribulations. We should also be grateful for the blessings He continually showers us with. And most of all, I learned that I should never whine.
God is good. All the time.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Lost without You
In Your absence, I lack the will and focus to live. In Your absence, life has lost all it's meaning. In your absence, I am nothing.
Father, please forgive me for my sinful nature. I pray for your guidance, always, especially for my family.
Please come into my heart and bring meaning into my life and make me an instrument of your love.
Father, please forgive me for my sinful nature. I pray for your guidance, always, especially for my family.
Please come into my heart and bring meaning into my life and make me an instrument of your love.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
The Truth
I do not trust or love God.
No, not really.
Because if I do, I would be a happy person with no worries. None at all.
But I need God.I need him not to give up on me so that I can love and trust him with all that I am and I could eventually be the kind of person he wants me to be.
Lord, teach me to love and trust you.
No, not really.
Because if I do, I would be a happy person with no worries. None at all.
But I need God.I need him not to give up on me so that I can love and trust him with all that I am and I could eventually be the kind of person he wants me to be.
Lord, teach me to love and trust you.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
My Evil: The Seeker Up Close and Personal
Everytime I think of those two words, I remember Adel.
My Evil was the title of her poem ( if poem should have titles). Those words stuck to me like glue over the yeas.
I responded to those words in a way that one respond to a sad song. I keep remembering it and I keep pondering on it.
My Evil? How evil am I? And what kind of evil do I honestly posses? Can I kill another in a fit of rage? Will I go berserk if I do not get my way? Will I be able to forgive once someone hurts me in a way that no one ever did?
No one can ever really know the extent of once evil until he tries to resist temptation. Like the apostle Paul,I have my own stumbling block, my own personal secret sin that I have never confessed to anyone.
It is my source of embarrassment and brings about a sense of guilt that is difficult to assuage.
It humbles me, though and keeps me empathetic of the imperfections of others.
When I started reading the Bible, I realized the extent of My Evil. How? There was this particular passage in the Bible which tells us that you will only know how strong or weak you are if you resist temptation.
Succumbing to temptation is easy. Consciously fighting it and running away from it is the difficult part.
And i realized how willing, how ready and how eager I am to succumb to my evil everytime I am tempted. It is so easy to backbite, to speak bad words, to talk ill, to be angry. They all have become a way of life to all of us.
Afterwards, I would feel so guilty and sad.
Sin does not separate us from God. It only makes fellowship with God impossible. Because after we sin, we would feel so unworthy and would hesitate to come to Him. By then, we would have to start from scratch.
God always reaches out for us. But, it is up to us to grasp the hand He holds out to us. How would you feel shaking hands with some royal dignitary using your dirty hands?
My Evil was the title of her poem ( if poem should have titles). Those words stuck to me like glue over the yeas.
I responded to those words in a way that one respond to a sad song. I keep remembering it and I keep pondering on it.
My Evil? How evil am I? And what kind of evil do I honestly posses? Can I kill another in a fit of rage? Will I go berserk if I do not get my way? Will I be able to forgive once someone hurts me in a way that no one ever did?
No one can ever really know the extent of once evil until he tries to resist temptation. Like the apostle Paul,I have my own stumbling block, my own personal secret sin that I have never confessed to anyone.
It is my source of embarrassment and brings about a sense of guilt that is difficult to assuage.
It humbles me, though and keeps me empathetic of the imperfections of others.
When I started reading the Bible, I realized the extent of My Evil. How? There was this particular passage in the Bible which tells us that you will only know how strong or weak you are if you resist temptation.
Succumbing to temptation is easy. Consciously fighting it and running away from it is the difficult part.
And i realized how willing, how ready and how eager I am to succumb to my evil everytime I am tempted. It is so easy to backbite, to speak bad words, to talk ill, to be angry. They all have become a way of life to all of us.
Afterwards, I would feel so guilty and sad.
Sin does not separate us from God. It only makes fellowship with God impossible. Because after we sin, we would feel so unworthy and would hesitate to come to Him. By then, we would have to start from scratch.
God always reaches out for us. But, it is up to us to grasp the hand He holds out to us. How would you feel shaking hands with some royal dignitary using your dirty hands?
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